Flyboys, Spacemonkeys and Radar Telemetry
by spacegypsy1
Summary: SG-1 takes a vacation. Romances derailed. A little blood spilled. An Archeologist lost. A Pirate pirated. A Scientist abandoned. A Homeboy trapped. A Jaffa stranded. A General delayed. The doctor and the Hak’tel leader left to wonder. D/V,S/J,C/C T/I.
1. Chapter 1 Beginnings

**Flyboys, Spacemonkeys and Radar Telemetry – The O'Neill Roundup**

**Spacegypsy1**

**SG-1 takes a vacation. Romances derailed. A little blood spilled. An Archeologist lost. A Pirate pirated. A Scientist abandoned. A Homeboy trapped. A Jaffa stranded. A General delayed. The doctor and the Hak'tel leader left to wonder.**

So, who do you call when trouble finds you and your transmitter can't save you? General Jack O'Neill of course!

A/N: Thanks to childofspacegypsy1 for the many titles offered, from which I could not choose and so lumped together to create the title.

And thanks to MrsPollifax for first read run through and both MrsP and Childof for some beta work. This remains not completely beta'd.

**Chapter One: Beginnings**

"_He who chooses the beginning of the road chooses the place it leads to. It is the means that determines the end." __**Harry Emerson Fosdick**_

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Egypt. It had been so long. The sun, though brutally hot, felt good beating down on the bandana he had tied around his head. All his trepidation had been for naught. He'd been right to bring her along, instead of leaving her alone at the SGC.

Daniel gazed through the haze across the expanse of sand, finding it hard to get a clear image of her. She'd chosen, of course, the height of 'dig' fashion, blending in with all the young 'treasure hunters' on a working archeological vacation. She worked hard and stayed out of trouble.

Squinting he could barely pick her out of the crowd. But he knew she wore a tight white T-shirt that read 'Shovelbum'. His grin was broad as he turned back to his work. Her laughter reached his ears and he turned again, seeing her there on her knees between two twenty-something male students.

The smile tried to turn down into a frown as his brows took a slight dive towards a scowl. Stopping himself, he shook his head to clear the strange reaction to her flirting. They were friends. He knew she was accompanying the group to Cairo later tonight for the weekend. Why should it bother him if she chose to have fun?

"Dr. Jackson?"

Daniel brought his attention back to where it should have stayed. "Yeah?" He raised his eyes, looking up from his position on the ground, one hand blocking the glare of the unrelenting sun. The young woman standing over him was smiling a little too adoringly for his comfort.

"We found something we'd like you to look at." She told him twisting to and fro, reminding him of the Shovelbum. Damn! This was driving him crazy.

"Sure, er…ah…Moriah," Head tilting back down, he puffed out his cheeks and blew a frustrated sigh. So much for the chance at a relaxing dig. He'd wanted to do nothing but dig, to lose himself in one spot, one purpose, one little hole in the sand. No teaching, no showing, no explaining. No god damned talking! Just getting away from the past eleven years of constant peril and burying himself in the work he loved – in the place he loved.

Standing, Daniel followed Moriah across the dig site. Once the word had spread that an 'expert' Egyptologist was on site, and once the lead archeologist – one who appeared to be all of twenty-five years old – had started to defer to Daniel, his intention to have a peaceful two week vacation spiraled down into mostly answering questions, identifying artifacts and wondering why the hell he couldn't keep his thoughts, as well as his eyes, off of his dark haired traveling companion.

Walking through the housing area towards the vehicle that would take him to the other dig, Daniel ignored the young woman's obvious and provocative attempt to get his gaze on her six. Instead he studied the small buildings. The house he'd rented, made up of sun dried bricks, appeared golden in the afternoon sun, its weathered red door stark against the glint of light.

The student turned with a happy smile, he nodded and pointed forward and once again she trudged on, but not before she winked.

Rolling his eyes, Daniel screwed up his mouth in an annoyed sideways grimace. _Oh this is just great. Little Miss Tight Jeans wants me. Yeah, right. Just what I need!_

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Feeling silly for worrying about her current state of dress…or more like undress…Sam relaxed on the chaise lounge and continued to apply the coconut scented tanning oil on the expanse of skin between the bikini top and bottom.

Taking a quick glance at her laptop on a nearby table, under the bright tropical flowered umbrella, she stared at it in thought. Finally, she turned away, put her large, dark sunglasses on and reveled in the smell of the ocean breeze.

She could almost feel the oil sizzling in the hot sun bouncing off the white beaches of Bora Bora. Eyes closed, she fought the urge to retrieve the science journal that lay unread on the sand beside her. After all, she'd promised.

Doing nothing. How does someone do nothing? With patience honed in years of service to Stargate Command she willed herself to relax.

Not a sound announced his approach, but the instant the shadow blocked the sun across her midriff a slow smile spread across her lips. Without opening her eyes she told him, "Jack, you better be holding one of those daiquiris."

"Ah…Carter, I have to leave."

Snatching her sunglasses off, she sat up. "What!? We've only been here three days. What do you mean we have to leave!?"

"I have to leave. I have to get back to D.C."

Pushing herself up, Sam began to gather her things. "What is it? What's happened?" Her voice, though worried, held a note of excitement.

He laughed, "Settle down." With a broad tanned hand on her sternum he gently pushed her back to sit on the lounge. Without removing his hand, he smiled down at her. Her large blue eyes were intent on his face and he could feel her heart beat beneath his palm.

"I'm sorry. It's nothing universally shattering, nothings going on with the…program. But I have to go back." He pulled his hand from her and stuck it in his pocket.

That's when she noticed he was dressed in travel attire. Up she went again. "I'm going with you."

"No, Carter, you're staying here. "

"I'm not staying here by myself!" Stuffing her beach essentials into the bright orange beach bag, Sam hurried. "Give me a minute, and I'll be ready."

Taking her by the shoulders and turning her back to him, he insisted, "You're staying here, I won't be gone more than three days, then I'll be back."

"Oh. Well why didn't you say so?" Her bright smile replaced the worried frown.

"I have a chopper waiting. Be good. And don't spend all your time on a laptop." He kissed her quickly, but when he tried to pull away, her hand snaked around his neck and held him there for a passionate reminder of what he was going to miss. Reluctantly, he managed to end the teaser. "Ah, right. I'll be back soon. I left the credit card, go shopping, go to the spa, go kayaking. Do something while I'm gone."

She nodded.

"Promise?"

All she said was, "hurry back."

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Howling wind whistled through the closed truck windows as Cam, eyes squinting to see through the sheet of white snow, carefully made his way up the mountain pass. He knew that somewhere in the next mile or two there was a small church where he could pull over.

He hit the steering wheel in frustration. "Possibility of light snow my ass!" He couldn't call her on his cell phone until he stopped unless he wanted to chance a dive off the side of the mountain. Besides, she'd only worry. Since she'd left two days earlier for the cabin he'd rented, she'd missed the blizzard. "Damn!"

By the time he pulled up at the door of the church – less than thirty miles from Cheyenne Mountain - his muscles were tense and his head ached. Gearing up for the short sprint to the large double wooden doors he'd spotted when the wind shifted, Cam made sure he had a bead on the target, his duffle bag gripped tight in his fist and his phone safely tucked into his inside jacket pocket.

Hand on the car door handle he waited. And waited. The snow was driving harder now and the wind screamed like a banshee. He settled down and mapped out the distance in his mind.

"Go!" He told himself, pushing the car door open with effort. The wind hit him like an artic blast. He hesitated only a minute to get his bearings, kept one hand on the car for an instant more, and then rushed forward as best he could.

It must have been the first step that sent him crashing face down in the snow. Feeling around under the snow he found the second step, and then the third, and crawled upward for the last one. Blood dripped from his nose, leaving a trail of red across the stoop, as he used the hard wooden surface of the door to pull himself up.

"Of course the son of a bitch is locked! It's a goddamn church!" The words yelled were taken away with the wind. Resting his forehead against the door, Cam kept yanking on the handle. Finally, his eyes slanting skyward, he confessed, "sorry 'bout that," then with all his strength he shouldered into the door, breaking the lock, and tumbled into the warm interior.

He used a booted foot to kick the door shut and then lay face down on cold stone to rest.

Eventually, he rolled over and stared at the vestibule ceiling. "Anybody home?" He called, but got no answer. With the sleeve of his jacket he wiped the trickle of blood from beneath his nose, then, head turning, he found the puddle of his blood on the stone floor. Exhausted, he stretched out his arm and wiped it with his sleeve.

Digging in his inside pocket as he sat up, Cam located his phone and pulled it out. What was left of it. Holding the smashed bits in his gloved hand he stared at the mangled pieces. "Ah, damn, that's not good." His eyes rolled upwards in question. "What did I do? You gotta figure I need a little help here."

Bouncing to his feet Cam wandered down the aisle calling out softly, "Hey, anybody here?" His echo, his only answer.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

With a dark look and an eyebrow raised, Teal'c stared at the technician.

The young sergeant backed up, sputtering in explanation, "Sir, we have no idea why the 'Gate's down. It never happened before. I've been on this Alpha Base for three years."

"How long?" The Jaffa narrowed his eyes at the sergeant.

"I don't know, sir. We're working on it. Maybe a few hours?"

Teal'c nodded and left the Gateroom. He was thousands of light years from the SGC as well as his destination. He had hoped to arrive early for the elaborate festival planned honoring the Hak'tel leader. She expected him.

Having promised the SGC commander to accompany the new recruits to the Alpha Base, Teal'c had delivered them less than an hour ago. Now, apparently, some malfunction had occurred and he would have to wait. The actual ceremony began at sunrise tomorrow, with something special planned for the afternoon; however, he'd looked forward to his visit tonight with the lovely honoree.

He was a patient man, but this twist had him unnerved. It had been many months since his last visit, with only occasional short contact through messages.

Teal'c wandered the Alpha Site corridors searching for something to occupy his time.

Setting his travel bag on the floor of the gym, Teal'c watched the lone man who practiced with the wooden staff. "Care to spar?"

The man turned, surprised by the Jaffa's deep voice. His eyes grew large, but he recovered quickly. "Sure. You're stranded too, I see."

"Indeed, MajorDavis."

Three hours later, Davis joined Teal'c in the small commissary. "They're sending the Daedalus with parts and Dr. Lee from Earth. Seems Colonel Carter is off on vacation with a heavily mandated 'do not disturb'. We could be here for days." The Major took a seat across from Teal'c.

"I have faith in . When is the ship scheduled to arrive?"

"Around midnight. They've assigned us quarters for the night. You're bunking with me since space is at a premium around here."

"Midnight." Teal'c reflected aloud. "I have spoken at length with the technician. He is convinced of what the problem is. Perhaps when the parts arrive it will only take minutes to repair."

"Teal'c, this base has enough parts to build a new Stargate, three or four times, I don't think Dr. Lee and a handful of odds and ends will get it back up. Dr. Lee thinks it's the computer and Sergeant Cummings thinks it's the power grid, and somebody else thinks it's the Stargate itself. This might take a while."

"I will attempt to contact ColonelCarter myself when the ship arrives."

"Good luck. General Landry authorized her transmitter code deactivated. He's the only one who knows where she is."

"Then I shall contact O'Neill."

"He's in route to Washington for some closed door session. It could be a while."

Before Teal'c could say a word, the alarms sounded.

"_We've got incoming! All hands to battle stations!"_

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Vala stood with hands on her hips watching Daniel follow the buxom blond who'd been dogging his steps for the last three days. She watched them until they disappeared in a haze towards the living area. Hmph!

She was miserable. It wasn't the heat, or the grueling labor. It was her own wretched decision. He'd rented the little house with two bedrooms and offered for her to stay there. She'd refused and opted to stay in the women's dorm. Why had she done that?

Hoping the distance would help her keep her hands off him during their sabbatical had worked a bit too well. Her plan, the one that obviously had just failed, was to entice him with her good behavior. Now look what she'd done!

That little minx archeologist had wiggled herself right into his line of vision on more occasions than Vala cared to count.

"Well! I'm not taking this sitting down!"

"What?" Gary the amateur archeologist asked.

With a goofy blink and a stab at innocence, Vala looked at him, "What?"

"What are you not taking sitting down?"

"Nothing. When are we leaving for Cairo?"

"Whenever you say. We're on vacation, our leader is off with some problem and said we can leave anytime, we have to be back by Sunday evening."

"Well, then, now would be good."

The drive into Cairo with the college aged group of two men and four other women was crowded and hot. By the time she'd changed her mind about going it was too late. They were halfway there.

She didn't know for sure he was off on some tryst with Blondie, she needed to talk to him. As soon as she got back Sunday she was going to ask to move in the house with him. Her excuse would be the bathtub. The dorm only had showers.

When the Land Rover bounced off across the sand, Vala turned to the driver. "Where are we going?"

Gary winked. "A short cut the driver took last week, cuts about twenty minutes out of our drive. You keep your eyes on that pyramid in the distance for eight miles. Then you come to an old one lane road, take a left and it's minutes to town."

About four miles into the jump across the desert someone pointed straight ahead. "Hey, guys, what's that?"

"Looks like a caravan. Pull up, we'll wait for them to pass."

The car came to a halt and the occupants watched the caravan of dilapidated vehicles, accompanied by a few camels, approach.

Vala's hand went for her side arm, which, of course, wasn't there. She had an uneasy feeling about this.

Within minutes, the seven of them found themselves staring into the barrels of several guns. The bandits yelled in Arabic, surrounding the car.

"Does anyone here speak Arabic?" Vala didn't look around as she spoke to her companions.

"Dr. Jackson does." One of the women responded.

"And do you see Dr. Jackson here anywhere?" Voice tense, Vala mumbled as the thieves moved closer.

"Kree!" Vala yelled and was rewarded with startled, dumfounded expressions. Obviously not Goa'uld.

Still barking out unrecognizable orders, their assailants motioned the group to the waiting vehicles as someone got into their car and they moved off across the desert in the direction clearly away from the dig site and Cairo.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-

Daniel held tight to the side of the Jeep as Moriah raced towards the outlying dig site. There was silence in the car. She'd asked him if he was single and he'd told her he was involved with someone. It wasn't a lie, just not the truth. Yet. "Hold up a minute." He spotted something across the sand, just barely glinting in the sun.

He was nearly tossed out at her sudden stop. He frowned. She smiled. He told her he was going to check something out and to stay put. She shrugged and pulled a nail file from her pocket and began to file.

About thirty feet from the vehicle, Daniel felt the sand shift an instant before it opened up and swallowed him. His yell cut short as he thumped against something. Barely conscious he looked up the six or so feet he'd just dropped through and watched the sand trickle across the broken boards and begin to cover up the hole.


	2. Chapter 2 Wonderland

**Flyboys, Spacemonkeys and Radar Telemetry – The O'Neill Roundup**

**Spacegypsy1**

**Chapter Two: Wonderland**

"_If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary-wise; what it is it wouldn't be, and what it wouldn't be, it would. You see?" __**Alice from Alice in Wonderland-Lewis Carroll**_

_x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x_

Daniel awoke with a faint moan. He reached for his glasses creating a cascade of sharp pains through his right arm. His hand fell across his face, landing without interference over his eyes. His glasses were missing. Not that it mattered much since it was pitch black.

Gah! What planet was this? Which mission? He patted around his chest for the flashlight in his vest pocket. _That's odd, not there. _It took him a second or two, but he remembered the dig and the shifting sand.

Reaching carefully with his left hand, he located the holster that held some of his dig tools - the small pick, which was missing, a brush, and the Mini Maglite. Transferring the sturdy little flashlight to his right hand, he winced at the sharp pain and tucked the injured arm tight against his chest to turn the light on with his left hand. The beam shot upwards like a beacon through the darkness. He groaned and managed to scan the room before he passed out once again.

It was a brief interlude as the flashlight clanked on the floor and startled him awake again. He tested his body for possible breaks. With the exception of the blood-dripping wound on his right arm, nothing seemed to be amiss - if you discounted the other aches and pains in his muscles. Slowly rolling to his left side he inched himself into a sitting position.

He needed to reach the flashlight and find a way out before the batteries died. Waiting for the dizziness to pass, he sat still, his eyes squinting at the blur lit by the beam pointing across the room. Obviously, he needed to find his glasses first. The wall across from him appeared to hold a pictogram of a Horus Guard and a large Eye of Ra. He laughed as he blinked the fuzz away and took another look. The laughter died. _Damn! Where the hell are my glasses? _

Once standing with flashlight in hand, Daniel searched the top for any signs of an opening. He yelled until his voice was hoarse, then opted to find his glasses. With his first step he found them, right under his boot heel. Picking them up, he inspected them under the light and found that both lenses were broken. With a defeated sigh, he tossed them over his shoulder.

Dizzy and disoriented, he shuffled over to the wall to get a closer look. Once there, his less-than-perfect gaze flicked from the wall to his still bleeding arm. He had no emergency pack, no water, no food, no med supplies. He would have to wait to be rescued. Until then he'd study the cavern as best he could. Because for one thing, it **was** a Horus Guard, and for another, from what he could see, there was no way out.

Stumbling backwards, he fell against some structure in the middle of the room. Sliding to the floor, he slowly drifting into unconsciousness, totally unaware of the hours that passed.

---

Moriah raced towards the dig site, pushing the Jeep to its max speed. She plowed through the sand, coming to a sliding, brake-screeching halt mere feet from the wide eyed group. Her exit from the vehicle consisted of a leap and she literally hit the sand running. "Help!!"

---

The blood from his wound trickled across the top of his hand, branching like little streams down his fingers and dripping in slow motion to the floor. Sitting cross-legged in the dim light, Daniel watched in fascination. Someone, sounding remarkably like Teal'c, kept telling him to stop. Stop what? Stop watching? Oh, wait, you mean stop the bleeding. Right. And how do I do that?

Giggling idiotically in his delirium Daniel dropped his head to his chest. The flashlight, now low from battery use, lay on the floor with its muted beam cast on the full size Horus Guard figure. "Hey," he mumbled to the hazy figure, fighting to keep his drooping eyelids open. "What to do? What to do?"

The figure, fully hooded and complete with staff weapon, stepped out of the wall, squatting down in front of Daniel. "DanielJackson," Teal'c's voice spoke from the Horus Guard helmet, "You must do something to stop the bleeding and find your way out of here. Though they search for you, it is near impossible to pinpoint your location."

"You're not Teal'c. Wrong shinny suit." _I'm so hot. Tired. And I'm hungry. I didn't eat breakfast. _Daniel gave a half-hearted laugh as his sight waved from dark to light and he watched the pooling blood on top of his hand. "Right. Right. Right. Stop. Stop bleeding."

x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Hours after being abandoned, Sam was eating dinner…alone. The room was abuzz with conversation and the diners began to rush out. Brows knitted, Sam held her empty wine glass up as the waitress threaded through the crowd in her direction. A feeling of unease settled over her.

"Hey, what's up?" Placing the wine glass on the table Sam questioned her server.

"Storm. Possibly a typhoon; it is headed this way." Looking worried the woman rushed off leaving the bottle of wine on the table.

Typhoon!? She'd looked at the weather just three days ago; there was nothing out there.

_Ah, boy. That's just wonderful_. Sam filled her wine glass and watched through the open archway as travelers rushed the front desk. She'd wait.

Realizing the restaurant was trying to close, she ambled toward the counter, requested to buy two bottles of wine, and paid her bill.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x

D.C. was cold, overcast and gloomy. Twiddling a pencil in between his fingers, General O'Neill listened to Chief Harriman list the names and explanations for his call.

"Look, Walter, Carter's okay, she's not missing. And no, you can't have the code to reactivate her chip. You say you can't contact Daniel and Vala. They're on vacation. Both unreachable. Take a wild guess what those two are up to! T's stuck on the Alpha Base and the Daedalus is on its way, no problem. Mitchell's hunkered down in some fancy chalet in a blizzard with a doctor…a no-brainer. I've gotta go, I've got a plane to catch, stop worrying. They're fine. Tell Hank to call me when he gets back."

x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Phones were jammed and her satellite phone beeped at her with disregard. Her chip had been deactivated…that could be remedied with the password Jack had. Not to worry. Sam shouldered her way through the lobby headed back towards her bungalow, ignoring the mob who pushed and shoved to be on the first evacuation bus.

Within a few hours the storm would be a typhoon. Ibo, the lagoon resort manager, along with Sam and a few others left behind when the evacuation route had been washed out, were in the resort jeep headed for higher ground. With nearly eighty mile an hour winds, the rush through dense jungle was precarious.

Ibo remained calm as he drove towards an old bunker he'd weathered several storms in. He kept the others occupied with stories from his childhood in Nigeria, and Sam listened with interest. The bartender, Dewi, a diminutive woman of undetermined age, looked nervous. Dawn and David Brukawsky, an older couple from Minnesota who'd been overwhelmed in the melee and left behind accidentally, quietly held hands. Along the road they picked up two natives who'd been walking in search of shelter, Bagus and Dayu.

They arrived safely at the bunker, a leftover from World War II, to find it stocked with little in the way of emergency gear. In the driving rain and howling winds, they all unloaded the van Ibo and Dewi had loaded with food, water and medical supplies. There was no way out now. They were destined to ride the storm to its conclusion.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Cam finished his recon of the church, coming back to stand at the altar's edge. Okay, so he was alone. He was warm. Well, sort of. That was good. And once Doc reported him missing they'd track him by his chip, and the Daedalus would whisk him right outta here.

The creaking of wood above his head had his eyes rolling upwards to inspect the centuries-old ceiling. Arms tight across his chest he listened. More creaking and cracking echoed through the empty building. Not good. He'd check everything out again, and find someplace that offered a little protection…just in case.

Greeting each saint by their name, he went from statue to statue. "Yo, Mary, you better hightail it out of here now; if it takes on much more snow that old roof might come tumblin' down."

"Ah, St. Christopher, my Gran'maw wasn't Catholic, but she had a fondness for their saints. You, sir, she carried in her car…I don't remember why."

"Who are you?" He read the engraved information at the feet of St. Hilda. "I'll be damned! No, not really, hold up on that."

And on he went around the church checking out the structure. Finally he came back to the aisle where he'd left his duffle bag. Looking around, he opted for the pews, sitting down on the floor between the back of the fifth and the seat of the sixth. He'd recently read the article on the Triangle of Life, by Doug Coop.

"Don't get under somethin' heavy, get beside it." Opening his bag he pulled out the bottle of champagne surprised to find it still chilled. He popped the cork. "Oops, sorry," he told the church in general.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Carolyn Lam looked out the window of the chalet high in the Rockies. Once again, she tried her cell phone, but the signal was too weak. He was out there somewhere, hopefully still at the SGC. The fire behind her crackled and snapped, and she turned, her gaze passing over the romantic setting on the table.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Halfway through the bottle of champagne, the ceiling rumbled. Damn! Come on guys, now would be a good time, ya know, at the last minute you get me out of here! Ah, hell, it's probably just the wind. "Damn, I gotta stop cussin' in church."

Maybe he should just go outside. Naw, too crazy. Maybe he'd best go and speak firsthand to the Man. Leaving the sanctuary of the pews, Cam approached the altar, whistling the hymn his Gran'maw always sang.

The ceiling began to groan. "You know, I thought you had me with the Sodan. And then for sure with that Zombie Volnek. I figured I was definitely fixin' to meet you with Replicator Marrick. I never begged for mercy through any of that. So what I'm needin' here is a just a little help. Oh, wait, my bad," Cam realized he still had the champagne bottle in his hand. He held up a finger towards the altar, indicating he'd be right back, turned away quickly, swaying from the sudden action, then looked back. "Hold on a minute here."

Sprinting back to the pew, Cam leaned in to place the bottle on the floor next to his bag. The sound of snapping wood and a fierce rumble sent him diving to the floor. Then the ceiling and snow laden roof piled around the inert figure.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Running down the corridor, Teal'c took off towards the entrance, heading for the hangers, while Davis took the steps up to the control room two at a time. Firepower above could be heard inside the compound of the Alpha Base as people ran in every direction, shouting orders.

Teal'c zigzagged across the tarmac dodging the alien firepower, debris flying around him as he made for one of the last Alkesh. There wasn't enough time to assess the enemy, but his keen senses told him the mish mash of attacking ships were not from any one race. More than likely they were dealing with the new faction of rogue Jaffa and the Lucian Alliance who'd reportedly teamed up.

He reached the ship and shot into the sky in record time. Along with the ten or so F-302's and the five or six Alkesh, he waged battle against the multitude of enemy aircraft. The large ground cannons came to life below, helping to even the score. They were now fifteen ships against forty.

The Daedalus was scheduled to arrive, and Teal'c knew Major Davis would be on subspace communications urging the ship – with its complement of F-302's - into hyperdrive. It wouldn't be long before the battle would weigh in their favor.

Teal'c could hear the radio chatter. Indeed, the Daedalus was minutes away. He concentrated on two Death Gliders making for a ground run, blasting one apart and sending the other spiraling towards the mountains in the distance.

Something hit his ship, sending it spinning uncontrollably out into space. He fought to regain control, initiating the mayday sequence and the tracking beacon.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x

She sensed him, even though his presence was not on the planet. Something was wrong. The Jaffa in her knew it. Making it through the sunrise ceremony to honor her leadership as well as her reinstatement as High Priestess had been difficult with her mind on Teal'c.

Alone in her tent, Ishta lit the candles she had saved for their visit last night. A visit she had looked forward to for many months. Their relationship had suffered many long absences. But this one made her ill-at-ease. He would not have chosen to miss his own marriage ceremony, scheduled less than an hour ago.

The flap to the tent opened, letting in the light of day. She need not ask who stood there. "Come in, Master Bra'tac."

"Something is wrong." He announced taking a seat across from the Hak'tyl leader.

"Yes."

x-x-x-x-x-x-x

He'd been in this situation before. Adrift in space. Now he waited, aimlessly floating and alone, having missed his own nuptials. O'Neill would find some humor in that. He did not.

There had been a moment when he'd gotten the ship under control; however, that had quickly turned into disaster as the panel short circuited, and the ship soared into a short but powerful hyperjump.

Little remained working to help ascertain his current position. Or to reinitiate the life support. Or subspace transmissions. Engines. And most certainly, nothing to vent the toxic smoke that filled the craft.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Eyes closed she reviewed her weapons. A knife in her boot. A lock pick in her sleeve. A small but deadly little laser gun (she'd once stolen from an acquaintance) in her other boot. The thin razor inserted in a slim tube where one of her bra underwires should be. The sharp but tiny pick she'd stol…ah, borrowed from Daniel's tools. Yes. That was it, as paltry as it was.

OH! And the saw-like tool that made up part of her belt buckle. Now that might come in handy.

The problem, as she saw it, was she had not only herself to worry about. There were three of them in this god-awful vehicle and four in the other. That would definitely be an issue. To wait until they were all together or spring a surprise now?

As the caravan slowed, Vala opened her eyes. Nothing but desert for miles and miles. Well, this wasn't good. They would be murdered here and left and no one would ever find them. Ha! She had plans for her future. And for Daniel's. "Get ready." She whispered to the others. Their terrified faces only remained so.

While their captors got out of the cars to meet, Vala, hands tied behind her, squirmed until she got her six between them, then her thighs and finally her feet bringing her rope tied wrists in front of her and close to the buckle. Fingers maneuvered the secret clasp of the belt and released the saw. She ran the rope back and forth quickly releasing her hands.

"Listen." She told the others, all the while her hands were digging out items from various places on her body. "Stop being mummies or we'll all be dead in a matter of minutes. Gary, take the knife." Cutting him loose, she slapped the knife into his palm. "You did as I told you, right? You can get us back?" He nodded staring at the knife in disbelief.

"Sara." Making short work of the ropes on the young woman's wrists, Vala pulled the thin razor out of the tube recently retrieved from her bosom. "When they get us out of the car, act all weepy and cuddle up to Dudley and cut him loose – and for goddess' sakes tell him to act like he's still tied. Put the razor in his hands and tell him to free the others."

Sara nodded, eyes bright with wonder.

"Gary, try to get the knife to Carrie. She was a marine once. Sara, take the pick and give it to Lacey, she's such a bitch she'll get a kick out of stabbing someone. And keep an eye on Mary, she'd faint from fright…actually, tell her to! Now, here they come to get us out. Gary, take this. Point, pull this back and aim for the middle of the forehead. I'm going for a big gun. If…when I get it, hit the dirt…sand."

When it was all over, the seven of them stood around, each with a gun pointed at the living, albeit much worse for wear, thieves.

Checking the area, Vala picked up any weapons left lying around. "Let's tie them up, get in our car, and as you say, 'haul ass out of here'."

Vala and Gary disassembled various parts of the motors on the other cars, tied the camels to it, then, tossing the parts into the back of their Land Rover along with what supplies they could fit, they took out in the direction Gary indicated.

There was a good fifteen minutes of silence before Gary let out a nervous laugh, and the others sighed in relief.

Vala turned to look out the window, smiling. Now, next she was ready to tackle Daniel, and she wasn't going back to the SGC until she had his heart. But first, something else troubled her. "Gary?"

"Hmm?"

"We're lost aren't we?"

"Yep."


	3. Chapter 3 Reality

**Flyboys, Spacemonkeys and Radar Telemetry – The O'Neill Roundup**

**Spacegypsy1**

**Chapter Three: Reality**

_The unreal is more powerful than the real, because nothing is as perfect as you can imagine it. Because its only intangible ideas, concepts, beliefs, fantasies that last. Stone crumbles. Wood rots. People, well, they die. But things as fragile as a thought, a dream, a legend, they can go on and on._" _**Chuck Palahniuk**_

**x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x**

With paramount effort he'd stopped the bleeding, found the device that lit the flame torches, and discovered that the stone table he'd bumped into was an Ancient Control Pedestal.

Goa'ulds and Ancients. What next? Mitchell's lions and tigers and bears? If he hadn't been so weak he would have laughed.

Daniel studied the controls. He would love a powerbar, but since he didn't have on his utility vest from the SGC, that wasn't an option. All he'd found in his pockets were three Hershey Kisses Vala had given him yesterday. Or was it the day before? He had lost track of time.

"Vala." He spoke her name through a parched and dry throat.

"Yes, darling?" She answered, the words coming from the Cheshire Cat sitting atop the pedestal.

"I'm not talking to you," he told the cat.

"You called my name," the apparition said.

He ignored the image. It wasn't real.

"DanielJackson?"

He glared at the Horus Guard painted on the wall. "Stop! Stop it." Then Daniel shook a finger at the lizard that scurried across the flat stones. "And not another word from you, Jack."

"Fine," the lizard replied.

He knew the control pedestal would get him out of this miss, since obviously, nothing else would. He was so thirsty he wanted to cry, but he couldn't even squeeze out a single tear. Okay, words. His fingers traced the words. Upon… what? Upon what?

"Upon initiating the sequence by fully engaging ...." Sam hesitated at the next symbol.

Daniel looked across the table where Sam stood holding her P-90, wearing a pink fringed buckskin dress with her long hair banded around her forehead and braided on either side of her neck. There was a neon pink feather sticking straight up in back. "Fully engaging what? You're a genius, even if you're not really here, what's the rest of it?" That seemed to upset the image and she disappeared.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Jack had received another call from Harriman. That one he'd listened to. A typhoon in Bora Bora had stopped his plane in Sydney, so he knew about that. But he'd have to worry about it later. Right now he couldn't get to her if he tried.

Mitchell never arrived at the chalet and a rescue squad was out looking for him in the middle of a blizzard. Teal'c had disappeared in a firefight with a bunch of inept hoodlums. Davis was on the Daedalus tracking him. Not much he could do with that one right now. Vala never arrived with a car load of college kids in Cairo. That one was confusing, but he'd check it out when he arrived in Egypt in few hours.

And Daniel had disappeared into thin air somewhere in the middle of the desert while some hysterical girl had been doing her nails. Damn. You couldn't leave those kids alone for one day without some mishap.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Depressing the stones in random order produced nothing. He leaned on the table for support. Fighting fatigue and the uncontrollable shivering that had started nearly an hour ago, Daniel slowly began again.

_Water. I just need a little water._ His elbow rested on the corner square. The movement as it depressed jerked him out of his stupor and the unmistakable sound of stone moving against stone got his full attention.

"Uh oh."

With a sigh of resignation, Daniel faced his current hallucination. "What?"

Cam sat on the opposite end of the device, dressed in farmer's overalls without a shirt underneath and chewing on a weed. "You asked for water, Jackson, and there's water!" Removing the weed, he pointed across the room with it.

With what little strength remained the archeologist slowly tilted his head around. Water poured from the hole in the center of the cupped hands of a painted figure and splashed onto the stone floor. "Like you, Mitchell, it's not real."

Feeling something brush his ankle, Daniel lowered his gaze. The Cheshire Cat nudged her head repeatedly against his leg. "Go away."

The grinning cat with the tilted gray eyes pleaded. "It's water Daniel, really it is, you have to drink."

"They are not coming for you, DanielJackson." The hooded guard's eyes glowed red.

"You have to save yourself." The Indian maiden coaxed.

Jumping off the table, the plowboy grinned, "Aw, come on Jackson, you can do it."

Turning away from the direction of the cascading apparition, Daniel looked for the lizard.

Suddenly, daylight flooded the cavern from above.

"I'm right here, Daniel." The lizard stood on its hind legs, waving his 'hands'.

"Dr. Jackson? Dr. Jackson, can you hear us?"

Daniel blinked in confusion where he lay upon the earthen floor.

"I'm going down there; get the harness and the rope from the truck. God damn it, Daniel!"

_There's that damned lizard again._

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Sam took charge and gathered her team, moving them deep into the bunker. Ibo had quickly gassed up and started the generator outside and turned on the two bare light bulbs. She had Dawn cataloging supplies and Ibo monitoring the hotel's battery operated radio for information closer to the entrance. Dawn's husband David and Dewi, the hotel's bartender, were assigned to ransacking the place for anything with batteries. Sam would double check the safety of their position and check out the perimeters. Dayu was assigned to search the crates for anything useful including blankets, or cots. Bagus volunteered, in broken English, to prepare food.

By the time they had everything in order, set up cots with musty blankets and pulled the heavier crates to barricade the doors, the wind had picked up considerably and the sound of debris hitting the building preceded the loss of electricity by no more than three minutes. The generator obviously had been tossed in the wind.

A blinding light hit Sam's eyes; she squeezed one shut, and threw her arm up to block the glare. Ibo apologized. He'd found the megawatt light with the emergency pack in the storeroom of the resort.

Sam continued her inspection of the gadgets and batteries on the floor in front of where she sat cross-legged. Simple enough. She'd just create a bit of energy and power up her Sat phone, and hopefully get a signal.

After twenty minutes, power was buzzing but there wasn't a signal to be found. Fidgeting with the makeshift contraption she tried to boost the signal and got a shock that sent her fingers into her mouth.

She rallied the troops. "I think we need to get a message out to let someone know we're here. If things get really bad, I want them to be able to locate us…if we're trapped behind a pile of rubble. I need to build a transmitter. I need some things."

Ibo nodded, "What DO you do, Samantha?"

"Me? Ahm, I'm a housewife."

"Yes, and I'm an astrophysicist."

Grinning, Sam looked up. "Really? I was in the Air Force. I worked on computers and radios."

With a sudden look indicating he'd thought of something important Ibo told her there was an old Ham radio in the small well house just outside the bunker. Then the two argued over who was going. Sam insisting that her military training was more suited for the mission, but Ibo won with a simple statement - he'd been raised in, fought in and survived the many wars in his country. And he knew exactly where it was.

When Ibo returned he was soaking wet, with bleeding gashes, but he grinned from ear to ear as he presented the radio, and dug out innumerable parts from every pocket.

"What's happening out there?" Dawn asked fearfully.

"A lot of wind. A lot of rain. But I have seen worse."

It took her nearly two hours, but finally the old radio came to life.

"Mayday, mayday. Can anyone hear me?"

"Sam here, reading you loud and clear." The woman's voice was muted by the whizzing and crackling of the radio.

"What's your location?" Sam held up a hand to quiet the cheering group surrounding her.

"Fiji."

"Fiji!?" Aside she said, "how the hell did I dial up Fiji?"

"Well, Sam in Fiji, this is Sam in Bora Bora. I'm in a bunker just north of the Lagoon Resort in the middle of a typhoon. I need to relay a message. Take this down." She gave her their location, the emergency number to the SGC, and a code to indicate the call was from her and was being passed through a non-cleared civilian. "Tell them I'm okay, and … and tell them not to…reactivate my code for rescue without considering the consequences. I'm trapped here with six other people," she thanked the other Sam and then signed off.

"We need to save the batteries." She told her companions. Darkness enveloped them as they waited.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

She was driving behind the snow plow that came over the mountain not ten minutes ago. The sky was heavy and gray, but the snow had wound down to a few intermittent flakes. With restraint Carolyn kept the cell phone on the seat beside her. She'd lost the signal again after getting one call through to the base. There was a small church another five or so miles down the mountain where she could pull off and check for service to make another call. Not long now, she told herself.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

His gran'maw was trying to wake him up, like she did every Sunday morning for church, after he'd been out half the night with his friends. "Go 'way. Too tired."

He must have been fightin' with Billy Wayne again last night. He hurt everywhere. And he had a hellofva hangover to boot. "I'm not goin' to church today, leave me 'lone. I'm sleepin' in. It's cold as hell in here." Cam mumbled the last bit and was surprised she didn't slap him upside the head for cussin'.

Falling back into unconsciousness he wondered what in the blazes had his legs suddenly burnin' like cat's tail on fire.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Teal'c tried to Kel'no'reem, but without a symbiote he didn't think it would do him much good now. Gratefully, he'd found several Tau'ri 'space' suits in the storage compartment and donned one, keeping all the air packs handy. He wasn't cold…not yet, and the four extra air packs might last him many hours. It certainly kept the toxic fumes from killing him faster than the cold of space would.

He'd recorded a message to Ishta. Then one to his friends at the SGC. And finally one for Rya'c and Kar'yn.

It wasn't dying that bothered him. It was the boredom.

After an hour of meditation, he stood, dragging the packs with him as he walked to a rear control panel and ripped the cover off. He took it apart for the third time and meticulously put it back together. Nothing had changed.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Ishta followed Bra'tac through the Chaapa'ii and was greeted with pleasantries by General Landry. She attempted to return his smile, but feared the news would not be good.

Her fears were confirmed within minutes. Teal'c was lost in the vastness of space. Alone and unprotected. She nearly broke down had it not been for her years of service to the horrors of the Goa'uld, she would have fallen victim to the pain in her heart.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

There were five extra crystals in the equipment lock-up, but with all the modifications his Tau'ri friends had made on the ship, nothing made sense. Perhaps he could record a special message for ValaMalDoran, if he could decide on a course of words that would encourage her without revealing too much. No, that would be unwise.

Should he reveal his secrets upon his death? Was it the correct action? What would it change after the years since their entrapment in the time dilation field? He did not know and ColonelCarter could not advise him. Possibly, he could record his feelings during that time. The Tau'ri were known for their insistence on one expressing one's feelings.

Taking one of the small disc-like crystals he placed it into the slot and plugged the transmitter wire into the port on his helmet. Sitting back, Teal'c closed his eyes and began to speak. His voice deep and slow.

_I was not shocked, nor did I 'feel' any emotion related to the discovery that a certain couple had, as you say, hooked up…_

x-x-x-x-x-x-x

She'd figured out why Muscles wouldn't tell her anything. And why in all these years she'd never mentioned Daniel. It was as clear as the mirage of palm trees and small huts in the distance. Mirage number three, they called it. And this one had a pyramid.

Mary had broken down in tears, Gary was asleep. Sara kept retelling the story of her part in the escape, while Carrie cleaned and loaded the weapons. Again. Dudley had found something he'd called 'hooch' and he and Lacey were drunk. Vala was driving. It didn't matter where, because they had little idea of the direction they were going and therefore could not read the map. But they had extra gas confiscated from their captors and the sun was moving downward. That was west. Or maybe southwest, or south east or north west. And so, that was where they headed.

Muscles had never commented on why she refrained from asking if it was Daniel. THAT had to be a clue. He didn't want to bring up the… That's not a mirage! "That's not a mirage!"

"Holy crap, Vala, you scared the bejesus out of me!" Gary sat up and looked ahead. "You're right, it's not."

The distinct sound of a bullet loading into a chamber filled the car. Not a bad idea. "Alright, we need a plan." Vala slowed the car as everyone but Mary armed themselves with guns and knives.

"Vala." Mary called from her place in between Gary and Vala.

"Shhh, not now. We'll be fine." Vala's right hand went palm up and over the back of the seat. "Carrie, I need some extra clips." Like an operating room tech, Carrie slapped the two clips on Vala's palm. "Now…"

"Vala," Mary insisted.

"Mary, you crawl in the back and keep your head down."

"VALA!"

"What!?"

"That's our dig site." Exasperated, Mary smirked at their chosen leader.

"Oh, so it is."


	4. Chapter 4 Bedlam

**Flyboys, Spacemonkeys and Radar Telemetry – The O'Neill Roundup**

**Spacegypsy1**

**Chapter Four: Bedlam **

_In all chaos there is a cosmos, in all disorder a secret order.__**Carl Jung**_

x-x-x-x-x-x-x

When the phone rang Carolyn Lam flinched. The plow in front of her was crawling at a frustratingly slow pace, so she opted to answer the call. "Hello?" Carolyn's hand tightened on the steering wheel. "What? Where?" She tried to see around the huge truck in front of her. "I should be there in five or ten minutes."

The SGC had located his position and identified the church, although they'd been unable to contact him, a team was on their way. Carolyn tried to relax, knowing full well there was no way around the snow plow. Poor Cam; he'd had to spend the night in a church, all alone, without cell coverage and probably no food. She'd be there soon. With a broad smile, Carolyn relaxed, excited about seeing him, relieved that he had found shelter and was not lost over the side of a cliff.

With the large vehicle in front of her, Carolyn didn't see the church until she was right up on it. She gasped aloud as she pulled into the snow-piled drive. His truck was barely recognizable under the heavy blanket of white.

The signal was strong here, but she understood why they had not been able to contact him. She dialed the SGC. The last thing she heard before she hung up was her father demanding she wait in the car until the rescue squad reached her. She exited the vehicle, tossing the cell phone back on the seat, leaving the door open and rushing as quickly as possible through the deep snow.

Most of the walls of the church remained standing. Approaching more slowly now, stopping when she saw blood on the hardened snow, Carolyn called his name, louder and louder until she realized she was screaming, near hysteria. The distinct sound of helicopters helped her to calm down. "Cam." She said his name softly, sorrowfully.

"I'm right here, baby. Don't come in. I can hear the choppers. I'll be fine."

The voice that barely reached her was weak, and filled with pain. But he was alive. Tears flowed as she sobbed, both hands coming to rest over her heart, and she turned her face away from the building, as if he could see her breakdown.

Unwittingly, she found herself at the open doorway. Most of the interior was filled with the debris covered in white. Forcing words through her tight throat she called his name again. There was no answer. Turning, she shielded her face from the snow whipped around by the whirl of helicopter blades.

Suddenly people were everywhere, shouting orders and organizing equipment. Someone had her arm, and speaking softly, pulled her away from the entrance.

"Dr. Lam. You should wait in the car."

Awareness crept past panic, and she looked up at Colonel Reynolds. "I'm the CMO, Colonel, I'll wait right here. Who better than me…if…if it's bad?"

"Yes, ma'am." Reynolds followed his men and SG-8 into the rubble.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

When he looked up from watching the readout on the last air pack, Teal'c spotted the Daedalus exiting hyperspace. Without thinking, he ripped the crystal from the recording device. Uncharacteristically, he looked around to see if someone had materialized behind him. Confident that he was still alone, Teal'c thought a moment, inspecting a boot on his suit to gage its possible impact on the disc.

With a doubtful hike of a brow he studied the crystal once again, then shoved it into his glove.

Perhaps, should the opportunity present itself, he would release it into space. The radio, buried deep beneath the environmental suit, beeped.

Another brow raised with uncertainty. After several attempts he managed to depress the button. He was asked if he needed assistance, and did he want to be beamed aboard. It was times like these he truly wished he were more capable of mimicking O'Neill's 'ya think?'

Instead he answered with a tinge of reproach. "Such an endeavor would be most welcome, Commander."

Once aboard the Daedalus and being assisted by a technician in removing the suit, Teal'c stood quietly in thought.

Almost free from the contraption, his thoughts were interrupted by the technician. "Wow, man, are you lucky!"

Teal'c looked at the oxygen read out that hovered over empty. "Indeed."

Placing the palmed crystal into his pants pocket, Teal'c approached the Commander. "I wish to go to the nearest planet with a **working **Stargate."

"Ishta's waiting for you at the SGC."

Both brows raised in total surprise. He recovered quickly. "Proceed, then, at optimal speed."

x-x-x-x-x-x-x

The winds had died down, but stuck in darkness as they were, they had no idea what was going on. The battery operated radio screeched as Dawn tried to locate a station signal. Her husband, David held the small penlight on his key chain directed at the dial. The others sat with their backs to the surrounding crates, listening.

"That is it!" Ibo hit the switch on his flashlight and sat forward.

Sam scooted closer, as did the others. The news report was better than they'd hope for. The Typhoon had veered off to the west, missing a direct hit. The reporter cautioned everyone to stay put until daylight due to the heavy debris, downed power lines and the threat of falling trees. The winds would die down within the next two hours, and daylight was three hours away.

The delighted squeals were accompanied by hugs all around. Ibo set the large flashlight atop one of the crates, illuminating the small group. They moved the crates from the door just enough to crack it open.

Locating her duffle bag, Sam unzipped it quickly, and pulling two bottles of wine out, she held them up with a wide grin. Dewi reached into a pocket and retrieved a bartender's corkscrew, returning the colonel's grin.

Ibo jumped over a barricade, opened a box, and returned with paper-wrapped plastic cups. Not to be outdone, Bagus pulled a large bottle of Scotch from his backpack. The team settled into a tighter circle.

"Wait." Dawn stood, propped her rear on one of the shorter crates, swung her legs over the side and hopped down. When several others protested she scolded them, "I'm sixty-five, not dead. I'll wager I'm in as good shape as anyone of you, except maybe for Samantha. I'll be right back, my bag's just across the room.

She returned with a huge basket, wrapped in gaily colored tissue with a glittering bow. Setting the basket into the middle of the circle she tore it open and began to pass out fine chocolates, gourmet cheeses, and artisan breads, before pulling out a magnum of champagne. "It's our 50th wedding anniversary. And yes, I was married at fifteen. David was seventeen. And yes, we were pregnant. So don't ask any more questions." She laughed happily and popped the cork on the champagne, sending everyone into peels of laughter.

Ibo located a station playing music. Within minutes Dewi had Sam and Dawn learning a tribal dance. Together the rest pushed the crates aside and turned on all the flashlights.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x

"Jack! I'm fine. I just need some food and water. I am NOT going to be airlifted to the Cairo West Air Base." Daniel stood, wobbling on his feet, next to Jack's Hummer.

Leaning close, Jack seethed into Daniel's ear. "We've got people there. Medical people with clearance. There's blood. There's knots. There's bruises. Your ass is going or I'm having you beamed right into a bed at the SGC!"

"And what are you going to tell all these people? That I fell through the earth again!?"

"Daniel, I'm warning you!" Exasperated, Jack shook his head. "For crying out loud, we located Mitchell under a pile of roof somewhere, and I just got word they pulled T out of 'lost in space' in the nick of time. Now, here you are, and I still have Carter to deal with. I've been around the world in what feels like forty minutes. I'm tired. I'm cranky."

Looking around, Daniel was confused by Jack's ranting. "Where's Vala?"

Innocent as a babe, Jack turned away. "What?"

"Vala! Where's Vala?"

With a sudden happy thought Jack responded, "Cairo?"

Remembering her planned trip, Daniel started to comment…

"Dr. Jackson!! OH, Dr. Jackson, it was horrible. Just horrible," Moriah ran up and hugged Daniel, who winced in pain. "Now they're missing, too. This is the most awful day of my life. Gary's gone! And Sara and…and…and…"

"What's she talking about?" Holding his aching head Daniel squinted at his blurry feet. A lizard ran across the toe of his boot and he blinked, wondering if maybe he should go to the Egyptian Air Force Base hospital. "Has anybody seen my glasses?"

Jack tapped a finger on the glasses resting a bit cockeyed on Daniel's face.

Though the frames were somewhat twisted, the lenses were intact. Daniel swallowed the lump in his throat, looked down the sleeve of his right arm and finding it stained with blood, he slowly raised his face, confused. "I think I better go for a check-up, Jack."

"Just lay back down on the stretcher, Daniel. I have to go check on a few things. I'll see ya later."

Doing as he was told, Daniel let the first aid team assist him to the stretcher. The noise of the waiting helicopter, blades whirling round and round, didn't help matters much. What was real and what wasn't? His head spinning with thoughts of a Cheshire cat, he drifted into unconsciousness.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Their entire dig site was deserted. The recent escapees wandered around, calling out, but not a soul answered. Obviously they'd left in a hurry. Food still sat on tables; tools lay around the digs, as though suddenly dropped. All the vehicles were missing, and the tracks led towards the other site.

Gary insisted on going to find out what happened. Vala opted to soak in Daniel's tub, spouting off something about all archeologists being alike.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Jack raced across the sand only to have to turn around when he got the call that the missing archeology students and one Vala Mal Doran had recently and inexplicably returned to their original site. There was no explanation of why her transmitter had sent out signals in a zigzag pattern and suddenly made a curlicue turn and ended up right back where they'd left from.

He slapped the side of his face, rubbed his grainy, sleep-depraved, and sand-blasted eyes, rammed his sunglasses into place and obligingly went to check on Vala.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Using the lock pick, she easily broke into Daniel's little rental, left the door wide open and stripped as she headed for his bathroom. Once the tub was as full as it could get, she stepped in, sat down and ducked under until her lungs burned.

She came up slow, rested her head against the back of the tub, and sighed.

"Vala!?" Someone yelled from the living room.

"Yes?" She called back without interest.

"It's Jack. O'Neill. Nice to know you're okay; you coulda let somebody know where you went."

"I couldn't, darling, we were kidnapped by some random thieves, and not very good ones either. We left them and their camels tied up somewhere in the desert. Go away, I'm exhausted." She quickly added, "Where's Daniel?"

"On his way to a base hospital in Cairo in one of our helicopters. He fell into a crevice. He seems okay."

Gary rushed through the front door just as Jack finished his less than revealing story. "He's delirious, Vala! Moriah says he kept asking for his cat."

"Cat!?" She'd already jumped from the tub at Jack's report. Vala wrapped a towel around her dripping body and dashed into the living room.

Both Jack and Gary stared in awe.

"Ah…ah…I have to go..." One of Jack's hands whirled around, while the other one had a firm grip on his head. "…look for Carter in…ah… a typhoon…in…ahm… Glad you're okay." Turning on his heels, Jack left.

"Wait!" Vala rushed out after him, but he was already in the Hummer speeding away.

"Gary." She said to the dumbfounded archeologist. "Get the car. We're going to Cairo. Without taking any short cuts."

x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Jack dialed up Hank to let him know he'd found Daniel and Vala. Daniel should be okay, he reported happily, and as for Vala, he still wasn't sure what she'd gotten herself into. Then he asked about the latest report on the Daedalus. If he had to take one more god damned airplane he'd…well, he'd do it, but he wouldn't like it.

Hank had good news. Teal'c had arrived safe and sound. Mitchell was in surgery, to check on the pin in his leg, but expected to be fine. They had received another radio message relayed for Carter that reported she and the others were safe. Stuck in a bunker somewhere in Bora Bora, but all were well.

Relaxing the knuckle-whitening grip he held on the steering wheel, Jack requested the Daedalus. First, to get him to Sam, and secondly, to get Daniel and Vala out of Egypt as soon as they were both in the custody of certain people at the Egyptian base.

Hank agreed and wished him luck.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Jack arrived at the coordinates he'd gotten from tracking Sam's transmitter chip just as the sun peeked from behind the clouds at the horizon. He followed the signal on the hand held device in a jeep he'd bribed from the local authorities.

Pulling up to the bunker, he crossed his hands over the steering wheel and watched the people outside the old concrete structure dancing in the mud.

Carter was barefoot, wearing a strapless sundress - a good three inches above her knees. She had a scarf in one hand swinging it above her head, and a bottle of wine in the other. But the really wonderful part was she was shaking her six to some kind of balalaika-like, belly dancing music. Oh yeah, it was worth the horror of the last 36 hours to see this.

Walking up with a delighted smile, he made his way to the odd group.

"Jack!" Sam threw both arms out wide and dived into his arms. "Gosh, I missed you. Where have you been?"

"Oh, let's see. Here, Australia, Washington, Egypt, Australia and here."

Someone slapped Jack on the back. "Mr. O'Neill! Your wife saved all of us!" David grinned and wandered back to his wife.

"Pfft!" Sam blushed. "Hardly."

"She has a habit of doing that. She can't help herself."

Sam laid her head on his shoulder. "I didn…do a thing. We all were lucky."

Ibo came up to shake Jack's hand. "She fixed that old Ham radio, sir, as if she was born with a screw driver in her hand."

"She might have been."

The sound of vehicles and shouting could be heard coming up the incline. "The Cavalry's here. Party's over." Jack had his arm around Sam's waist. "They'll take you to a shelter. Take care of you. I'm taking Mrs. O'Neill on a short ride home." Jack picked up Sam's bag. "Come on, Shiva, we've got a date with the Daedalus."


	5. Chapter 5 Homecoming

**Flyboys, Spacemonkeys and Radar Telemetry – The O'Neill Roundup**

**Spacegypsy1**

**Chapter Five: Homecoming**

_I laugh, I love, I hope, I try, I hurt, I need, I fear, I cry. And I know you do the same things too. So we're really not that different, me and you.__**Colin Raye**_

x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Gary the archeologist was reading the map as Vala drove at maniac speed through the narrow streets. "Vala! Slow down. And how do you propose to get into an Egyptian Air Force Base? Who's that General that showed up with all the helicopters and 'swat team' looking people? And come to think of it, why'd you have all those weapons stashed? Who the hell are you people?"

"Gary. Just study the map and tell me where to turn. If you ask anymore questions, I might have to shoot you."

"Haha, very funny. Okay, take a left at the next block."

"Block?"

"Street."

"Right."

"No, left."

"Right as correct, not as opposite of left."

"Where did you say you were from?"

Vala took the corner at a screeching lean, and Gary cursed her. She ignored his protest as she did his constant questions. She was on a mission. From God, Goddess and every lesser deity she'd had the misfortune to meet.

Jumping the curb at the base entrance, Vala slammed the car into park and jumped out turning to Gary and instructing him to return to the dig site. Amazed by her reckless driving and the bizarre events of the last twenty-four hours, Gary only nodded and drove away.

Vala didn't answer the petulant guard, only flashed her SGC badge and smirked when he looked surprised, called a car, and passed her through.

Within minutes she was at Daniel's bedside.

"Where were you!?" They said at the same time, both scowling at the other.

"I fell in a..." "I was kidnapped by a…"

"Kidnapped?" "Fell?"

The nurse beside him fiddled with his IV. The dark-haired beauty with the heavily kohled eyes looked Vala over.

Daniel shifted his gaze to the nurse then back to Vala with a look that said, 'later.' He told the nurse he didn't need anymore MRI's or poking and prodding and that he needed privacy. The female aide that had arrived with a wheel chair looked confused at the nurse.

The two women exchanged words in a regional dialect and laughed before leaving the couple alone.

"What'd they say?" Vala sat on the side of the bed and began to brush Daniel's hair with her fingers.

"Not sure. Their accent's heavy, but it had something to do with wanting to do a little poking and prodding of their own. I think they like me."

"Well, that's understandable, darling. How do you feel?"

"I'm fine. What happened to you?"

"Long story." And she proceeded to give him a play-by-play account of her adventure, finishing with a declaration to never leave his side, at least not on missions, vacations, or at Stargate Command.

He followed with a vague explanation of his fall and the subsequent slip from reality. And told her there would be no more vacations, not for him.

She sighed hopelessly.

He took her hand and held it, rubbing the smooth skin of her palm with his thumb.

She pushed him over and settled herself flat out on her back beside him, her hand still in his.

He sighed, tiredly.

Both stared at the ceiling.

"What are you thinking about, Daniel?"

"The Cheshire cat. You?" He stopped rubbing her palm and entwined his fingers with hers.

"Poking and prodding. What's a Cheshire cat? Is it special? And why the sudden interest in Cats?" Rolling her head on his pillow she looked at him.

He continued to stare at the ceiling a long time before finally turning to face her. "You have cat eyes. And a Cheshire cat grin. And when you're not with me I miss you."

That grin of hers was his undoing.

Easily reading the intention in his eyes and expressive face, she tilted her chin upwards and waited as he slowly, softly laid his lips on hers, then nibbled with his teeth, tasted with his tongue and finally took full possession of her mouth.

Somewhere in the recesses of her currently addled brain a fleeting thought occurred to her – THIS was well worth the wait, however long and …

His hand wandered up under the loose fitting T-shirt she'd borrowed - he recognized it as his. He'd had years to ponder what her skin must feel like. Those imaginings through the years since the Prometheus didn't prepare him for the reality, and he lost himself in the feel of soft, delicate skin and a warm compliant mouth.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Cam groaned, moaned, bitched and complained. Carolyn just kept nodding and smiling, oblivious to his constant repetition about cutting him open just to take a look at his pin and how, now, he was 'stove-up' and bedridden like some old coot.

In a sweet and loving voice she reminded him that she'd also repaired a torn muscle, cleaned multiple nasty wounds on his back and both legs and stitched the gaping hole just below his right buttocks cheek, much to her delight, she'd added, before sauntering off with a distinctive sway to her hips.

"Woman! You better get back here, now!" That cocky grin of his suddenly morphed into a frown. Where the hell was everybody? Not one of his team had called, much less dropped from the sky to see him! Did they think that after all he'd been through it wasn't enough to return from their vacations? He coulda been dead! He was about to grumble when he heard the distinct and sultry voice of the Hak'tyl leader as she spoke his name.

He raised a hand in a wave, once again grumbling, this time about being stuck on his belly in the torture chamber from hell. He added a 'sorry, thanks for visiting', in a kinder tone.

Ishta came and sat beside the bed on the side he was facing. "Teal'c is recovering from oxygen deprivation, confined to his quarters with some type of equipment for oxygen therapy. He is most reticent, with the exception of unrepeatable Goa'uld curses. I had hoped to take a respite from his sore mood; however, I see that I have made an error."

"Naw, sorry. I'm... well, sorry. It's nice to have company."

"I received a call from ColonelCarter, who instructed me to retrieve this from Chief Harriman, and deliver it to you." She held up a sack. "Macaroons. Also, I have been assigned the duty to inform you that ColonelCarter has been rescued from the typhoon, DanielJackson from the pit, ValaMalDoran from the bandits, and of course, Teal'c from the void of space."

"Huh?"

x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Teal'c paced, stopped in front of the medical equipment, glared with a hiked brow, and started pacing again.

_I think_ - he thought - _DoctorLam wanted me out of her infirmary, whereas previously she had the predilection of keeping her patients longer than necessary. _

At the door's opening his gaze lifted and he settled a less than stoic countenance on Ishta as she entered.

Immediately his Sim'ka approached the vile machine, turned it on, and pointed emphatically to a chair.

She was rewarded with a glinty-eyed, jaw-twitching, brows-soaring response, and a seething growl. "Stop mothering me."

"Stop being a hasshak, Jaffa."

Ignoring her continued indication that she wanted him to sit, he began to pace again. "I am no weakling! The doctor informed me that my lung capacity is twice that of the Tau'ri."

"And still less than yours. Once you are finished with this therapy, I have permission for us to leave the base for two of their Earth hours." Ishta mimicked what she perceived to be obligatory air quotes as she'd seen SG-1 use each time they spoke the phrase.

Unable to stop the twitch of his lips at the gestured phrase, Teal'c looked away and took the chair she designated, asking about Colonel Mitchell.

"He was physically well, soon to be released. However, he is as much disgruntled as you. And he had no knowledge of the incidences concerning the others. I suppose I may hold some responsibility for his setback. His concern upon hearing details of the episodes caused him to attempt to rise. He has…he rolled onto…he tried to sit on his…six?" She watched Teal'c for confirmation, and received a nod, "It caused him some pain, and he pulled a… stitch?" Again, Teal'c nodded. "I was escorted out of the infirmary. I believe DoctorLam may be somewhat upset."

"It is not you that she is upset with. That would be ColonelMitchell."

Istha bowed her head. "I believe I will make use of the showers while you complete your task here. General Landry has agreed to have your vehicle brought about for our use. I am most interested in seeing more of this planet that you hold so dear. If I am to spend part of my life 'visiting', I should become more familiar with its culture."

x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Carter's head rested on Jack's shoulder in the commissary of the Daedalus, and he couldn't move for fear of waking her. She'd fallen asleep halfway through some theory on predicting typhoons nearly thirty minutes ago.

The Daedalus hovered somewhere over Egypt waiting for clearance to beam a certain archeologist and his sidekick aboard.

"Sir?"

Jack turned, having to stretch his neck to see over the top of Carter's head. "Yeah?" he whispered.

"We've just beamed Dr. Jackson and Ms. Mal Doran on board. They're in the med bay. We'll have everyone at the SGC as soon as you are ready."

Nodding in understanding, Jack watched the young lieutenant leave. He brought his nose down to the side of Carter's head, taking a whiff of her scent, and lightly kissing her temple. "Carter?"

"Umm?"

"If you want a chance at seeing Daniel before Lam gets a hold of him, you need to wake up."

She popped up, eyes wide. "He's here?"

"With the fruitcake."

"Stop calling her that!" She straightened her clothes and tried to make some sense of her hair as she stood.

"Not my description, if you recall."

"He doesn't call her that."

"Not to her face."

"Jack?"

"Yeah?"

"I don't want to spend the rest of my life with a man missing valuable parts. I'd stop calling her that if I were you."

"You think just because he's younger he can take me?"

"It's not Daniel I'm worried about."

"Oh, right. The fruit…Vala."

It was a short walk to the infirmary. Upon entering, Jack and Sam stopped abruptly at the sight of both Daniel and Vala each in a bed. Daniel was hooked up to monitors, but sitting up and wide awake. Vala was flat out on her back, covers tucked under her arms, hair spread artfully on the pillow, and eyes closed.

Daniel smiled in greeting.

"What's up with the… with Vala?" Jack moved in between the two beds and with hands in his pockets stood staring down at Vala.

Looking across to where Vala lay, Daniel smiled before returning his attention to his visitors. "Hey, Sam."

Jack turned around. "What, no 'hey', for me? What's up with her?" He jerked a thumb behind him, towards the bed.

Rolling his eyes, Daniel greeted his friend. "Hey, Jack."

Irritated, Jack moved closer to his bed. "I'm still your superior's superior's superior…so, what's up with the fruitcake?" He felt the jab to his side.

"Nothing. She was bored. I think she's playing possum."

Satisfied at getting an answer as well as surviving the 'fruitcake' comment, the general smirked at the colonel and asked the archeologist, "So, how ya feeling?"

"Oh, just peachy. The head's a little achy, body sore, but I'm fine."

"Been seeing any…ah…you know…" Hand flapping in the air, Jack hesitated.

"Hallucinations?"

"Yeah, any more of those?"

"Just you." With a quirk of his lips, Daniel stared at Jack, waiting.

"Well, good…what? I'm real."

"So you keep saying. Been doing any Geico commercials lately?"

"See, Carter, I told you he wasn't making any sense! I think there's something wrong with his head."

"Mad as snakes." Vala offered, eyes still closed. "Jack?"

"Yes?" The answer came warily as he pivoted on his heels to face whatever was coming his way.

"That's princess fruitcake to you." The eyes opened with an evil glint, her mouth set in a hard line.

He swallowed, loudly. "Right."

Vala sat up and swung her legs over the side. "Can we go home now?"

x-x-x-x-x-x-x

When Hank looked up and spotted Jack standing in his doorway, he looked surprised, "What are you doing here? You still have leave."

"Nice to see you too, Hank." Staying in the doorway, one shoulder propped against the frame, Jack looked around the office. "How do you keep the papers off your desk? Are they all in the drawers?"

"No, they're in Walter's box. You never did understand the concept of delegating. How's your half of SG-1? I heard you got them all back safe and sound."

"Not me. I just played camp counselor and reunited the slackers. One's intent on becoming a meteorologist, one's reading Alice in Wonderland, and one's terrifyingly serene, with that damned grin plastered on her face. But I can feel the tension in the air. They're about to deviate back into chaos. How 'bout your half?"

"Hmph! Reckless and healing. I've got a CMO who's about to kill a colonel, and a Hak'tyl Priestess out dragging a Jaffa around town, because he's hell-bent on being available for the next mission. Murray and Mindy are due back anytime now."

Jack laughed. "What's up with doc and Mitchell?"

"Not that I'm complaining. It's good news to me, but seems the colonel's decided to cancel the planned vacation and the good doctor is fuming. Me, hell, I didn't like the idea in the first place."

"And I thought buying them all tickets to their personal paradise was such a good idea. And now they're all back to being pigheaded. If they don't stop living like this, they're bound to crack. I tried to get your theorizing colonel to finish her leave. No doing."

"Look who's talking. As I understand it, you were the same way not so long ago." When Jack look down at his feet and didn't answer, Hank chuckled. "So, you're not taking her with you?"

"Nope. She's determined to calculate, speculate and hypothesize. I'm goin' fishing."

Hank shook his head. "I'll try to keep them out of trouble."

"Good luck." Jack turned and left Landry, who still shook his head in amazement.


	6. Chapter 6 Roundup

**Flyboys, Spacemonkeys and Radar Telemetry – The O'Neill Roundup**

**Spacegypsy1**

**Chapter Six: Roundup**

_When love is not madness, it is not love._**_Pedro Calderon de la Barca_**

x-x-x-x-x-x-x

The fish that weren't in his pond were biting. The breeze that never stopped was irritatingly missing. Cicadas and frogs that drove him crazy with their constant chirping and croaking were driving him crazy with their absence.

His newly-acquired wife was deep in the Mountain having a love affair with numbers and square roots and weird mathematical symbols. One of his best friends was having a high old time showing the sights of Colorado Springs to his fiancé or Simba or whatever, and the other one had his nose buried in books and relics and dust.

Their team leader was reportedly done with wooing the General's daughter and standing around a lot – being unable to sit for any length of time. The fruitcake had showed up this morning and was in his kitchen cooking something he was a little afraid to eat. She'd come without explanation and with little to say, except for the dissertation she'd bored him with when she first arrived.

It seems that her teammates had taken an oath to never go on vacation. Ever again. And besides that, she'd reported to him, they would not leave the base. She insisted they had traumatic stress syndrome.

Ishta could not get Teal'c to leave with her. Mitchell sulked and, according to the princess fruitcake, had gained three pounds in four days with nothing to do but eat and stand around.

The doctor, Vala informed him, was completely revamping the medical records unit and her med team was at their wits end. Carter, or Samantha as she called her, had completely gone over the edge. Something Vala didn't really have to tell him, because he talked to Carter ten times a day. Well, he listened to her ramble theories, which, to him, may as well have been Goa'uld spoken backwards. So he knew about that one.

And, pray tell, he asked her, what about Wonder-boy?

That's when she'd turned and walked back into the house to make something called Galaktoboureko. Jack shivered at the sound of it, even though she insisted it was a Tau'ri recipe.

She was standing in the middle of his kitchen staring at a box of filo dough and a menagerie of ingredients. Jack looked back outside, longingly. It'd been such a simple life before four women decided to change it. "What'd he do now?"

"Nothing." Vala dumped the dough on the counter and started on her recipe as though nothing was amiss.

"Well, there's that."

She turned, confused.

"I mean, that's always been the problem with you two."

"No. That's not it." She grinned.

He thought it odd that she grinned with the sparkle of tears in her eyes. "I'm confused."

"So am I."

"Okay, now I'm really confused. The whole thing confuses me. I can't even get Carter to take a few days off. She goes running back to that lab every time she gets an idea. And take it from me, she gets a lot of them.

"Care to enlighten me on that and the whole Daniel thing, and while you're at it you might as well clear up the Mitchell/Lam fiasco. Actually, go for broke and shed some light on the Jaffa couple while you're at it. Cause I gotta tell you, I think the whole lot of them, you included - well maybe you more then the others - are just the other side of nuts! Though I have to warn you, I don't do so well with this kind of stuff. Go slow. Use simple words."

Unfortunately she took him at his word. He listened, as best he could, rubbing his face with his hands to hide the yawns.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x

After dropping Vala off at the airport late that evening - a long drive from his cabin by the way - he headed back towards his pond and solitude. He was halfway back when he hit the brakes and did a screeching u-turn. "Son of a bitch!" He slammed the gas pedal, heading back towards the airport. _ It's about time I put an end to this crap!_

x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Wandering the halls of the SGC the following morning, hands in his pockets, Jack headed towards Carter's lab. He hadn't called her, but he knew she'd be there, scribbling on that damned board in colored markers and tilting her head this way and that.

Peeking in, he found her exactly as he expected. Gazing around the room, he spotted empty coffee cups, plates with half-eaten food, and multiple water bottles in various stages of fullness. Lined up, they looked like one of her graphs.

He started to speak, and then changed his mind. He'd deal with her last.

Onward he went, stopping at Daniel's door, seeing that his friend was hunched over his desk, unshaven and clothes rumpled, making those odd markings in his journal like some mad scientist. Jack shook his head and took off again. He stopped a few steps away and backed up, leaning his head back to peek around the room.

Taking another step back into the doorway, Jack cleared his throat. "Where's Vala?"

Daniel's head jerked up. "Ah, err, ahm, I don't know." And back he went to drawing in his journal.

"Daniel." Jack said with his usual smart ass tone, "It won't do you any good to chew your leg off to get out of this. Cause at some point you're gonna be out of limbs. And while you might have the capacity to ascend and descend, limbs do not grow back. And if you let her walk away, all the relics, crinkly old paper, yellowed and stained big heavy books and all the dust in the world will never save you." With a short salute Jack walked away.

Continuing his search he stopped by the infirmary next, finding Carolyn Lam at her desk. There was a large stack of charts on one side of her and one or two on the other. She pulled one from the tall stack, opened it on the desk in front of her and flipped through it. She checked a list, and went back to the chart. Jack watched her as she kept it up for a full minute.

Again, he used the clearing of his throat to announce his presence. She looked up briefly, with a tight, "Hello," and back she went to checking.

"Your 'in' box is a little bigger than your 'out' box."

"Yes. That's what happens when you take a few days off. Not to worry, General, I'm catching up."

"So, Mitchell's been released?"

Hesitating, Carolyn took a few seconds to look up and plaster a false smile on her lips. "Yes. He's fine. The pins are fine. His bruises are fine and his ass is fine. Anything else?"

Holding up his hands in surrender, Jack had to fight to keep from laughing out loud. "Nope, that's it. Well, not actually. You do realize, don't you doc, that the next time he just might not make it. You're wasting valuable time. You willing to take that risk?"

And he was off again. Down the halls and up the elevators.

After questioning a few airmen he learned that Mitchell was in Teal'c's quarters. Ah, the two birds with one stone method. Nice.

The door was partly open and he heard Mitchell.

"Son of a bitch! I can't believe you just did that!"

Jack scrunched his brows and pushed the door fully open. Mitchell was standing behind the chair where Teal'c sat, controls in his hands. The TV screen was full with some ship blowing up. Mitchell threw his controls on the table and turned abruptly.

"Sir." Cam nodded once on seeing Jack, and stormed out, but Jack caught his arm.

"Mitchell, I think you need to have doc look at that wound on your backside."

When Cam looked at him cockeyed, Jack stood taller and whispered, "That's an order."

Cam frowned, but nodded, and took off without questioning the general's order.

"O'Neill." Teal'c stood and bowed slightly.

"T. What's goin' on?"

"ColonelMitchell has lost five to one. He is not happy. Have you come to drag ColonelCarter home? She has worried that you would and has been without much sleep in her effort to solve her latest project. Apparently, according to her, she is stuck on her effort to change the way weather patterns are studied. And have you spoken with DanielJackson? He has completed translations and studies on the last five discoveries of teams returning in the last two days. General Landry has ordered him to bed; however, only twenty minutes ago Siler stated that event has yet to happen. It has been reported that ValaMalDoran hit him over the head with one of his oldest, rarest and most treasured books. DoctorLam has called everyone in for complete physicals, which GeneralLandry canceled. That was an unpleasant scene. Ishta has returned home and informed me that I will join her tomorrow, or I will never be joining her again. I was about to contact you, as I will need your assistance."

Jack was astounded. In all the years he'd known the Jaffa he had never heard so many words from the man at one time. He opened his mouth to reply and then shut it again, unsure of what to say.

"I would ask that you accompany me. As witness to our joining."

"A wedding…well, there you go. You can bet your ass I'll be there. And I'm bringing some friends along."

"They have declined, with the exception of ValaMalDoran who left this morning with Ishta."

"Oh, they'll be there, big guy."

x-x-x-x-x-x-x

He figured he'd start in the infirmary with the two C's. Alphabetical order was about the only order he could come up with. He'd opted to not answer the three calls from Carter. One announcement over the base intercom would tip her off to his presence. He wanted to surprise her.

But first things first. A quick stop in the VIP quarters he'd designated his second home, and he'd start the roundup. He wanted to impress upon his kids that he meant business. This wasn't his first rodeo.

Ambling into the infirmary, hands in pockets and a determined grin on his face, Jack raised a brow at the surprised looks from both of his chosen first subjects. There were plenty of sparks flying between the two. He expected that.

Mitchell stood at attention immediately.

Excellent start. Jack had dressed in full uniform, medals, ribbons, hat, shiny shoes and all. "At ease." That sounded very official. Good job.

After he finished his less-than-perfect speech, he waited for compliance. Mitchell, of course, gave him a hollow, 'yes, sir,' and left with arms still tight across his chest. But Doc, she balked, and he had to threaten her with calling in the base commander. That should have got her dander up, but she smiled instead and agreed to be ready.

Jack checked his watch. Time for the letter D. The suit wasn't going to help him one bit and he knew it, though he needed it later for the letter S, who thought it very sexy. So, hat tucked under his arm, jacket unbuttoned, and collar loose he moseyed down the halls towards the den of antiquities and one emotionally inept archeologist. Knowing he was the kettle calling the pot black had him racking his brain for a solution.

"Well, this is new." Jack stood over the sleeping man whose head rested on something that looked like it'd just been pulled from some haunted grave, as did everything else in the room.

There came a long mumbled speech containing many curses in many languages. Okay, maybe he'd have to leave Daniel until last.

Jack was off to see his wife. That in itself he found a bit odd, but, hey, who could blame him? She wasn't in her lab. Or in the commissary, or her quarters, old quarters he corrected and set out for his VIP room, moving as fast as his knees would allow.

Stopping at his door, he donned the hat, buttoned up, smoothed the jacket, and shined each shoe on the back of a pant leg. She deserved as much. The door opened and he found himself in paradise.

Jimmy Buffet was singing from his small CD player. The room smelled of coconut and ocean breeze. A plastic blow up palm tree stood in one corner. Beach towels covered the chairs around the table that had some kind of paper pineapple and two real coconuts as a centerpiece.

There was a tin Corona pail full of ice with Guinness bottles sticking out, dripping with cold sweat.

And best of all there was a blond in a bikini on his bed. "How'd you know?"

"Radar telemetry," The bikini top got tossed across the room. "Where have you been?"

He was shucking out of his uniform at optimal speed. "Herding cats."

She came up on her elbows with a sultry look. "All done?"

"One to go." Crawling up across the bed, one hand on each side of her, he grinned. "But I can stick him in a paper sack and drag him with us."

"We're going somewhere?" She lowered herself to the pillow, hands coming up his arms in slow playful motions.

"Not now. Not for quite some time, actually. Not until morning."

"Mmm." A leg snaked around him. "That's nice."


	7. Chapter 7 Endings

**Flyboys, Spacemonkeys and Radar Telemetry – The O'Neill Roundup**

**Spacegypsy1**

**Chapter Seven: Endings**

_And remember, no matter where you go, there you are__**. **__**Confucius **_**_and Jack O'Neill_**

**x-x-x-x-x-x-x**

The village on the new Hak'tyl home world was alive with activity. The sun had just risen, and yet there were dozens of people setting up colorful booths and paper lanterns. Far out from the circle of the main village others set up small yurts for the visiting guests.

Horses were being curried and manes and tails braided with vivid ribbons. Children screamed in delight as vendors set up shop and the aromas of freshly-baked goods and succulent meats roasting, filled the air.

The Stargate, no more than half a click from the village center, was in constant motion as visitors and guests arrived.

Bra'tac watched in fascination, his gaze scanning the crowds for his friend. Teal'c had assured him he would arrive long before the celebration began. With a worried frown, the Master took a deep breath and hurried towards the main yurt at the far end of the village.

He took the few steps up to the platform supporting the High Priestess' tent, stopping with surprise when Vala Mal Doran exited the structure. "Good morning," he greeted her, "You are still as lovely as ever."

Vala's eyes grew large with doubt. Her hair was tangled and she wore one of Daniel's T-shirts and a pair of baggy sweat pants...probably Cameron's. "Master Bra'tac, you are losing your eyesight in your advancing age. But thanks anyway." Tooth brush in one hand and towel and soap in the other, Vala made her way down the steps and towards the bathhouse.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Teal'c took the left side, sliding his arm under Daniel's arm pit. Jack did the same on the right. Pulling him to his feet came easily. It was the aftermath that took some effort. Half asleep, Daniel fought them. Hell, he sure was stronger than Jack remembered.

"Settle down, Rambo, we're going on a little mission. Presidential orders."

Blinking fully awake, Daniel looked from Teal'c to Jack and back again. "What?"

"Come on, Sunshine, you're holding up the mission." Mitchell was at the door, two duffle bags in hands.

"What mission?" Trying to jerk his arms free, Daniel glared at Jack. "What mission?" he asked again.

"It's a secret mission. A diplomatic mission. A mission with lots and lots of dignitaries, and some kids and horses. And your president has elected you to oversee all the important stuff and make sure everyone is happy and loves the Tau'ri and offers up lots of nice…stuff."

Confused, but intrigued, Daniel relaxed. "I need to change."

"No time, Jackson, I got what you need right here. The 'Gate's about to open and we gotta go. Orders. Not a thing we can do about it."

When they stood in front of the Stargate Daniel noticed Carolyn waiting alongside of Sam. "Medical problems, too?"

Jack answered without looking at Daniel. "Oh, ahm, yeah, there might be some need for a doctor. You know, somebody with a pain in the ass."

Mitchell coughed, and Sam giggled.

"SG-l, we'll keep the light on." Hank Landry didn't sound too pleased.

Arms still entangled with Jack's and Teal'c's, Daniel twisted his neck around and looked back and up as he was ushered through the Stargate.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Amazed by the magnitude of the 'event' and the bright streamers, flags and festive decorations that covered the village as far as the eye could see, Daniel stopped in his tracks. Disengaging from his escorts, he took it all in.

This obviously was a very important celebration. Dignitaries from many cultures, dressed in their best, hob-nobbed around. There had to be some connection to the Free Jaffa Nation, because the Jaffa greatly outnumbered the rest of the guests.

Daniel looked down at his rumpled attire. "I need a bath, shower, something. I have to shave. Mitchell? Hand me my bag. I hope you packed something that fits the situation. This is big. Really, really big."

"Yeah, whatever." Mitchell dropped Daniel's duffle bag on the ground and took off, following Teal'c.

"Get cleaned up. You don't have much time." Checking his watch Jack nodded towards the bathhouse and trotted down the steps after Mitchell.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Vala stood under the ingeniously crafted 'shower' and closed her eyes. The water was cool and refreshing as she lathered and rinsed her hair, taking the lovely hair comb Ishta had given her and twisting her hair up, ramming the comb in place. Half of her hair fell out, but she was unconcerned.

She heard the gasp as someone entered. Without thinking she turned, crossing one arm over her breasts and one hand went low to cover what she could. Her eyes widened in surprise.

_Venus de Milo._ That's all he could think of. Daniel stared, unable to turn away from the vision before him. He'd been a fool. And Jack had been right. "I'm…I'm sorry. I mean for before. Not now. It's an affliction. I think I should seek help. Because, Vala, I don't want to lose you."

x-x-x-x-x-x-x

After meeting with Bra'tac and Ishta, Cam went to the yurt he'd been assigned, and upon entering, he found Carolyn unpacking. She hadn't heard him enter, and she pulled out a red satin dress, shook it and laid it out on the bed.

His heart stopped. Completely. And he couldn't breathe.

She must have sensed his presence, because she straightened her back and slowly twisted her head around, eyes coming to rest on his face.

Try as she might, she couldn't speak. Couldn't find the words to ask him what he was doing here.

He answered her musings. "Ah…I was assigned this tent by General O'Neill." Voice low and rough, with a tinge of regret, Cam waited.

Typical of Jack O'Neill, Carolyn thought. "So was I."

Cam nodded in understanding. A setup. But why? "I can leave. I can bunk in with Jackson."

"Cam?" His name sounded good on her lips.

"Huh?" The way she had said his name sent a thrill through his body, and he was all but speechless.

"Nothing. Okay, something. What happened to us?"

Moving further into the yurt, Cam grinned, eyes crinkling up, as he approached her slowly, like a lion after its prey.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x

At the center of the village Teal'c stood between Isthta and O'Neill with Rya'c next to the colonel and Kar'yn beside Ishta and Samantha, all facing Bra'tac.

"Where are DanielJackson and ValaMalDoran?" Bra'tac scanned the crowd.

Ishta, blond hair flowing with intermittent braids wound with white ribbons, turned to Teal'c. "ValaMalDoran left earlier for the bathhouse."

"Uh oh." Jack looked to his right, where Carter stood. "That's were Daniel went a good thirty minutes ago."

Kar'yn, totally confused, leaned forward and looked past Ishta and Teal'c to Rya'c, who shrugged.

Sam gave Jack that look. The one that conveyed she wasn't fooled. "Where's Cam?"

Innocently, Jack added, "and the Doc?"

"Jack?"

"What?" Still holding on to his blamelessness, Jack raised a 'it wasn't me' brow.

Sam narrowed her eyes, "What have you done?"

"Okay, I think I might have overdone it a little."

"Ya think?" Sam was grinning up at him.

Bra'tac interrupted. "The ceremony is about to begin. Everyone else has gathered."

"I should go and check." Flipping the Velcro on his watch, Jack checked the time again.

Sam turned away, looking at Bra'tac with a shake of her head.

Teal'c took Ishta's hand. "Do not, O'Neill. I am happy that they are not here. It is as it should be."

Ishta had the crystal disc in her palm and Teal'c felt it, taking it into his hand. He looked at her with love and understanding and then dropped it and stomped it into the ground. "Bra'tac, my friend, proceed."

x-x-x-x-x-x-x

"Daniel?"

He moved then, coming closer. His hands went against the stone wall on either side of her. Water cascaded over him, soaking his clothes. "Never again. Never. I will never come between us again. It's always been me. Always, Vala." He reached for the comb she had holding her hair up and removed it, pulling at the wet strands. Then he wrapped a hand around her neck and kissed her with every fiber of his being. With regret. And joy. And the truth of who he was, and how he felt. He kissed her endlessly and passionately and lovingly.

Vala pulled at his wet clothing, wanting nothing more than to feel his skin. He complied, assisting as best he could with his mouth occupied with words of devotion and love, all the while melding with her completely and irrevocably.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Somehow, Cam found himself with Carolyn in his arms and his lips devouring hers. She responded in kind.

"Stay." She murmured into his mouth.

"Always, baby. Always."

Carolyn let him back her up against the bed, and reveled in the feel of him.

Lips at her throat, Cam begged. "Would you put the red dress on? I just wanna take it off of you."

All she could do was nod in consent.

x-x-x-x-x-x-x

"You think they'll find us?" Vala whispered against his wet skin.

With a slight chuckle, Daniel responded, "I doubt they'll come in here. I locked the entrance gate behind me."

"Will we have to pretend? You know, like we're not…not…doing this?"

Voice rough with passion, he spoke against her collarbone, where his tongue played. "No one will care if we're doing this, a lot. Besides. It was Jack's idea."

"I'm not sure I'm comfortable with that."

"Well, how about this, comfortable with this?"

She gasped delightfully, "Mmmm, yes, very…darling…but aren't we supposed to be going somewhere?"

"I'm getting there, sweetheart."

x-x-x-x-x-x-x

The wedding continued without incident, albeit shy two couples. With a satisfied grin, Jack glanced at Sam, taking her hand in his.

Staring ahead to keep from giving him any more encouragement, Sam ignored the squeeze on her hand. He was obviously very pleased with himself. Concentrating on the ceremony should have kept her mind clear of Jack. However, he was rubbing his thumb across the skin of her hand.

Neither of them realized something was amiss until both Bra'tac and Teal'c cleared their throats. "The rings, O'Neill?" Teal'c spoke low, regarding Jack with a quizzical brow.

"Oh, right." Jack began to search his pockets.

With a nervous smile Sam watched him.

"I have them here somewhere, T. I thought you did the 'Tau'ri' thing after the 'Jaffa' thing." He'd used air quotes for each word and then continued his search.

"The wreath has been placed; we are finished with the…Jaffa thing." Teal'c was frowning.

"Sure, big guy. I've got it…them. Just like you asked. Here, somewhere. Carter? What did I do with them?"

Only a slight shrug from Sam answered him.

The crowd was getting restless. "Oh, crap. There here somewhere." He was digging frantically in every corner of his pockets. "Here! Here they are." Relieved, Jack handed the rings to Bra'tac, who eyed him with censure.

A clap of thunder, followed shortly by an opening up of the sky with torrential rain, put a sudden end to the festivities and the crowd scattered, leaving Sam and Jack standing in the rain, both laughing.

He took her face in his hands and kissed her. They jumped apart when a nearby bolt of lightening struck close enough to send the hair on their arms to attention. Both turned in the direction of the strike. The DHD was sizzling.

"Please tell me that's not a problem." Jack begged.

"That's a problem." It was Mitchell who answered, standing to Jack's right, hand in hand with a wet and disheveled Dr. Lam. Mitchell was in a hastily donned T-shirt and Air Force sweat pants. Carolyn wore a red dress that apparently she'd just pulled over her head, as it was twisted and plastered to her.

"What's up?" Daniel, shirtless and barefoot, slid to a stop beside Sam. Vala crashed into his back, unable to stop on the wet grass. She looked at Mitchell and down at her matching attire, and grinned.

"I think you mean, what's down." Sam pointed to the DHD.

"Nice outfit, Vala, though I gotta say the T-shirt looks a mite better on you." Mitchell was looking down where the soaked cloth clung to her chest, and received a thump upside the head from Carolyn.

They all just stood in the rain and stared at the smoking DHD.

"It appears," Teal'c spoke calmly from behind them, "that you all may be delayed for the remainder of your leave."

"We welcome you to our home." Ishta smiled as the others turned to her. "We had already assigned you three of the yurts, they are there." She pointed far across the village to the large tents off in the distance, spread out across a small hill.

"Yep. We found them, thanks to the general." Cam nodded his head, staring up at the yurt he'd just left with Carolyn.

"There is a pond for fishing, O'Neill." Teal'c wrapped an arm around Ishta.

"And another stream for swimming." Ishta added, leaning into her husband.

"Also, there are horses for riding."

"Our craftsmen will have classes in many arts."

"The bonfire will be lit…when it dries out, perhaps in a day or so."

"ValaMalDoran has supplied us with marshmallows."

"The women will celebrate the Moon of the Goddess in three days."

"There will be singing and dancing."

Rain drenching him, Jack rolled his eyes. "Well, welcome to Camp Hak'tyl, campers."

----------_If you're in a bad situation, don't worry it'll change. If you're in a good situation, don't worry it'll change. _**_John A. Simone, Sr._**

**_END_**

**_A big thanks to MrsPollifax for the beta work! You rock! And to childofspacegypsy1 for the never ending read throughs and my constant whining. And thanks for all the lovely reviews; they are so very much appreciated. _**


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